The Moment we Knew she was Dead
by knightdawndelight
Summary: The immediate reactions received as everyone finds out Marissa is dead. Oneshot.


The moonlight reflected off her pale skin that was getting whiter by the minute. And she was growing colder in his arms till it felt like he was holding ice.

But he kept holding on. Just like he had kept muttering to himself to hold on, telling her to hold on when he knew her life was on rewind.

He shook uncontrollably for a while after she passed but all was still now. All was silent.

His head lolled slightly as he let himself sink to far into memories.

He jolted back awake and realized his breath was coming in ragged pants and tried to control himself.

He tried not to feel her cold body in his hands or see her pale snow skin, her eyes peacefully closed as she hit the end of the road.

He jumped as he felt a hand touch his shoulder softly and skirted away from the person behind him pulling her with him.

"Kid are you okay?"

Ryan just stared at the man unable to even sum up an action, emotion, no words came and neither did an reaction.

"Kid I called 911, the ambulance will be on their way."

"Too late." Ryan muttered. "Too late now, she's already gone, you're too late."

"Hey you don't know that kid so let us help you up." The man walked over but Ryan flinched away and pulled back again dragging her body with him.

"No don't touch her." He muttered hoarsely. "You can't hurt her when she's with me."

The sound of an ambulance murmured in Ryan's ears. He pulled Marissa even closer to him pulling her face next to his and wished he could feel her breath on his cheek too warm him, to warm her.

"Hey kid the ambulance is here they can help you and the girl now."

Ryan shook his head and muttered angrily. "No I told you it's too late for her she's already turned to ice."

And then suddenly Ryan didn't want to feel cold anymore, he didn't want to see her waxy moon skin and he wanted to be warm.

He let go of her body letting it slip away from him and got up slowly.

"Where are you going kid?" Ryan backed away, his breath coming in pulling gasps and his body shaking like there was a earthquake. Ryan turned and bumped straight into someone behind him, a paramedic and he couldn't help but be reminded of last year with Trey.

And he couldn't handle it anymore, and he didn't want to be here, and didn't want to see her body or feel no presence of her as he pulled her close.

He backed away again and turned and began running. He could hear someone shout and someone breathing very hard in his ear before realizing it was himself.

He felt his ankle give way and he feel to one knee he was just in front of the fire, the wreck of a car that his mum had given him, so long ago it felt.

The flames danced in his eyes for a while and he was mesmerized by them before his name, Ryan, was being called and he looked up to see Sandy right in front of him.

"Sandy." Ryan choked out before standing.

He turned around and looked back at where he had been, at where he could see an ambulance and a gurney and…

"Marissa." Ryan whispered.

Sore knees banging into concrete now. Arms pulling him close now. Tears beyond control down his cheeks but still no warmth now and the sun was gone and only Marissa's waxy, moon, snow cold skin touched his…always.

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They were in the box together, holding each other close and envisioning their futures.

They had kissed for a while, messed around and then thrown themselves into the heat of passion.

They touched each other, whispered their counterparts names and let them float on flowing ecstasy.

Seth could see collage, sneaking to Summer's dorm room in the middle of the night and then doing the same as they were doing here.

Summer could see Seth spending all weekend with her, doing crosswords in the magazines, taking walks on the beach and basically being lovesick puppies and romantics.

Summer got in the shower after they had held each other, sweat and all and Seth climbed out of the box and walked around his room for a while looking for something to do before deciding on going downstairs.

He bumped into his mum in the hall and saw the way her eyes were downcast and teary, her hands searching for something to do before gripping onto the other like a vice.

"Mum, what's wrong? What is it?" He asked and touched her arm, supporting.

"Seth," she said in a hushed tone. "Seth something happened to Ryan and Marissa."

Seth didn't say a thing but prompted her on with his eyes. His heart skipped beats.

"They got in a car crash and…" She trailed off and Seth's eyes widened and his mouth opened.

"Mum what happened, are they okay?" His panicked eyes darting backwards and forwards over her face.

He couldn't bear it if something did.

It was a beginning not an end, he and Summer were heading off to college as well as Ryan and Marissa was going to be able to escape the craziness of Newport and sunbath on a yacht in Greece.

This was going to be a beginning not an end.

"Mum, is Ryan and Marissa okay?"

"Ryan's fine but…" She paused and Seth hung on her but.

_It was a beginning not an end. _

"Marissa didn't make it."

Silence and Seth nodded, he didn't say a word, didn't indicate to his mum what he was doing just walked to the bathroom door and knocked.

"Hold on a second." He heard Summer's voice over the sound of the running shower and could only imagine what she would sound like soon. In a matter of seconds she would disappear.

"Summer I need to talk to you." He managed to croak out.

The door lock could be heard but the shower wasn't off and suddenly Seth was being pulled in.

He felt himself be tugged under water and his clothes stuck to him as water splashed down on top of him. Summer smiled up at him through the steam impishly.

"Hey lover." She whispered as she stood on tiptoes and whispered in his ear. Seth pulled back and Summer frowned.

"What's wrong Seth?"

"Summer I don't know how to tell you this."

Summer smiled uneasily and looked quizzical.

"Summer…Marissa's dead."

Silence again.

Summer's eyes widened she frowned.

"Wh…what?" She stumbled over her word question.

Seth swallowed.

"She got in a car crash with Ryan. Ryan's fine but Marissa…didn't make it. She died Summer."

Summer wasn't looking at him anymore but past him and Seth wondered if she could see her, if she could hear what she had last said to her, last seen her as. He was thinking the same.

Seth could see tears streaming down her face as tears poured down his. He pulled her to his chest and the shower water, Summer's tears, Seth's tears, their tears mingled together.

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The tears wouldn't stop coming. The pain in her heart didn't cease and only grew as she realized more and more that she wouldn't ever see her eldest child grow up and become a adult. Get a job and marry, have her first child and watch them grow up too.

Her body was raked with sorrow and shook violently with each choking sob. She couldn't bear to turn her head and look at the photo of Marissa beside her. The echo of her name was bad enough in her head.

She prayed she would wake up and find this all some horrible nightmare and that then Marissa would ring her from Greece and say she had arrived safely.

But she knew it was all real from the pain in her hands where she had dug her nails in creating a little c.

There was a knock at the door and Julie looked up as her other daughter entered.

"Mum what's going on?" Kaitlin asked looking terrified. "Kirsten's outside crying and you're crying too."

Julie wobbled as she stood up but managed to make her way across the room and collapse into her daughters hands.

"I'm so sorry honey, I'm so sorry." Julie choked out as she sobbed hysterically.

"Mum, what is it? What's going on?" Exclaimed Kaitlin as she tried to pull away from her mother but unable to. Julie had her to tight, an anchor. "She's dead Kaitlin, my Marissa's dead."

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_He's slipping…falling down…sliding past…everything. _

_He can see the explosion…feel the heat on his back…regret forms as his mothers car disappears into flames. _

_The words are on his tongue…coming to him are words repeated…simply. _

_Her breath hitches…his breath is stuck…she stills. _

_A tear slips down his cheek…he can see her when he leaves the first time…she leaves this time and the last time. _

Ryan jolts awake and instantly brown eyes shadowed by thick eyebrows pull him in.

"Go back to sleep Ryan." A musical warm voice says.

He doesn't want to but he does.

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Seth thinks the tears are all gone but once again as soon as they dry on her cheeks they start up again.

He pulls her closer and tugs the duvet around them even tighter. He wants her to feel warm and loved. He wants her to remember he's here so she knows, always knows he will be there for.

He can't escape looking at her the last time, the sun reflecting off her as she slipped into the pool house crying, she had been leaving Summer for a year, her best friend, she didn't realize it would be forever. Neither did he.

His mum left an hour ago and is still not back. He didn't think Summer would be up to breaking the news to Julie right now but his mum had wanted to do it herself before someone else did, fair enough.

Seth closes his eyes and manages to feel warm even though Summer's unstoppable tears are soaking his t-shirt right through.

He remembered, after he had broke the news to her, climbing out of the shower and grabbing the biggest towel he could get her. She had stood frozen, unable to do anything for herself as she sobbed while he dried her.

He touched every part of her body, wrapping it into blue wool, enveloping her, hiding the nakedness of her heart.

He dressed her in his blue pajamas, a pair he hadn't worn for years but still had at the bottom of his drawers.

They walked into his bedroom and he lay her on the bed and pulled the blankets over her. He tried to leave to find his mum but she told him not to leave him.

At that moment Seth never felt more confidant that he would be able to support her through this and anything else.

He stayed with her, until his mum came and whispered in his ear she had to go see Julie. Seth saw her gaze flicker between him and Summer, her face soften and tears form.

She knew they would be together forever and after she left Seth began to cry again.

He realized that Ryan would never feel like he would when he had Marissa again, feel this that he and Summer felt.

It was over for Marissa but Seth cried mainly for Ryan.


End file.
